Satellite Intel Confirms Beaver Invasion of Alaska

Beavers - BBC.jpg

It's been six months since the world discovered that Canadian beavers have been ravaging sensitive Arctic ecosystems, with scant regard for national borders or the protocols of the Paris Agreement. Initially it was thought that the beavers were simply reclaiming lands they had occupied before the colonial-era fur trade decimated their numbers. A new report suggests, however, that something far more sinister is afoot.

According to a May 2018 study by Professor Ken Tape of the University of Alaska Fairbanks, Canadian beavers are "on the march, pushing into the Alaskan tundra." Tape has studied "several decades worth of satellite photographs from an 18,293-square-kilometre chunk of permafrost in the state’s northwest" and claims to have identified "56 new beaver pond complexes in a previously beaver-less landscape." Tape—clearly no stranger to the world of Intelligence, Surveillance, and Reconnaissance (ISR)—grasped the national-security implications of his findings instantly. “We have caught the beavers in the act,” he told the National Post. “We are really only at step two of a 10-step process in understanding what is going on, and the implications of it.”

It is impossible to imagine a clandestine beaver incursion on this scale occurring without the backing of a state (or states) intent on undermining American sovereignty in the Far North. China and Russia are active in the Arctic, it is true, but neither country is contiguous with the United States and, more to the point, nothing in the historical record suggests that they understand the crucial importance of fur-bearing mammals to geo-political and economic empire-building. Tape's findings, in other words, point to dark forces operating much closer to home.

To date, PM Trudeau and defence minister Harjit Singh Sajjan have maintained a stony silence on the sensational covert-op allegations now swirling around the beaver-migration story. The last thing the governing Liberals want, i.e. with NATO and NAFTA already on the line, is to hand U.S. President Donald Trump yet another reason to punish Canada. Now that Professor Tape has broken the Beavergate story wide open, however, it's not likely to go away. Our PM is about to discover—as JFK said after the failed Bay of Pigs invasion—that victory has a hundred fathers and defeat is an orphan.